Honey it's Thursday

Sarah Hughes discusses her writing process for recently released poetry book, Confetti Spring, giving a glimpse into her process and the meanings behind her poems.

Why I wrote about these topics

I wrote this collection of poetry because the subjects are worthwhile. I can explain them, but it’s personal and lengthy, so if that’s not your thing read the poems themselves. I believe firmly that the work is not always the artist, so maybe you’ll see something different than these heart-on-my-sleeve topics. Or maybe read this last and see if you believe the poems are about the following subjects. 

There is a theme that has come up twice in my life. I explore it in writing this book, and will probably write more about it later. It is getting off a rollercoaster that is created by a toxic person or organization in your life. Obviously we all have our moments of toxic behavior, and it is very important to own our own actions. If anyone is out there that needs encouragement to get off an unwelcome rollercoaster, please form a solid plan that involves help and do it. You will never regret it. You can set deadlines for getting off if it makes you feel better. You can even stay longer than you should, but get out of that situation and immerse yourself in people and hobbies that make you feel good, who see your worth. You are worthy. Anyone who tells you that you are not worthy enough and uses dangling false carrots to keep you is not the sort of leader you should be following. 

That’s the hardest theme I dwelled on in this collection. Mostly due to mourning unrealized potential and walking away from personal investment that hit a dead end. It is hopeful as there is a discovery of freedom involved. There is a discovery of authenticity as well. I feel I will always be intrigued with authenticity in my writing as honesty is very important to me. I believe it makes people good leaders, and also creates a culture of transparency, which in turn creates a culture of equals.

Part of discovering new layers of authenticity is learning to not always go out of my way to serve everyone else. Not doing that, and getting off rollercoasters feels like I am saying fuck you to certain corners of the world. But that isn’t really what’s happening. I’m just learning I don’t have to play by bad rules and that it’s ok to prioritize better directions. 

In being my authentic self, I have been taking on a role of the observer. I label my emotions and don’t ruminate, realizing I am not my reactions. It helps with the goodie-two-shoed serving succubus because it gets me to serve myself first. I’ve been doing ok with asserting boundaries for a bit. However, I am working on explaining to others when I need something or need to express concern about a bad rule. 

There is a quote that has inspired me a lot this year. I thought I heard it on Queer Eye but an internet search suggests it’s from Christine Caine, whom I am unfamiliar with. It reads, “Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you fear that you’ve been buried. You’ve been planted. Bloom!” 

Motivations and Inspirations 

Most of my motivation for writing this collection was a desire to get back into writing shape. I like that I had to just do it. I have been not prioritizing my own creativity for about five years, or atleast being creative in ways that weren’t the right post to hitch myself to. There have been some very cool sewing and crafting projects but I don’t know if I have a record of the timeline of those. 

I wrote down a goal in early April to write a book this year, and then my crazy friend, Melinda Wilson sent me the May Musings writing challenge, by BookLeaf Publishing. As I write this list of inspirations, it’s now early June 2021, and I’ve completed that goal way earlier than intended, as well as 29 of 50 I wrote down. It’s surprising how and how fast visions move when you write them down and stay mostly consistent. 

While writing this month, I was reading Eckhart Toile’s The Power of Now and Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library. I listened to Yung Gravy, bbno$ and K.Flay whenever I got in a rut. I was obsessing over money guru videos like Suze Orman and Dave Ramsey, as I am considering a career in financial coaching. Really, I still want to have as many careers as Barbie has, which is why I have never known what I wanted to do officially, as long as I was writing and dancing.      

The Research Process

There wasn’t a long research process for this book as the poems are from details I observed or personal experiences I fictionalized. I do have a creative writing grounded education, so that and being a reader probably informed some of my work. I did Google poetry form types, especially when I had less time to write and needed to approach writing something shorter. I felt that it was how I was able to restrain my writing to a certain number of syllables so I didn’t overwrite or overedit. Avoiding overwriting is often a challenge for me.

My writing process and challenges

This book was written a poem a day for the challenge, with more writing occurring on days off from my day job. It took a month to write the poetry, with about a week after being devoted to compiling and writing details such as preface, title, description, etc. Some of the poetry was inspired by details of the day, some by issues I’ve encountered, and some by trying to work words into a particular poetry format. The ones that became series were probably my favorites for what they revealed. I greatly enjoyed bending words and sayings out of shape. 

I was very inspired by nature and its processes. I was celebrating a new environment filled with more lush green – Tennessee. There are more varieties of growth and wildflowers.than I am used to. It turned my brownish green thumb very green. I was also meditating on financial goals and advice. Part of me is exploring the trauma of bad leadership, and how to have the internal fortitude to do what’s right and be a hero, when bad leadership incentivises doing the wrong thing. It’s hard to exist where a lack of integrity is commonplace.

There were some minor challenges like house remodel noises occurring during some of the writing, as well as adjusting to a new job, and impending visitors for me to worry my good hostess complex at. Those are blessings but they felt like minor challenges at the time. I still did it, as I have lately become very concerned with completing vision-board level goals for myself, and working more on personal pursuits. However, I am tired, and plan to take the next month to myself to putz around, hit the gym more religiously than last month, and lay around watching tv or reading. Also, Tyler, my fiance, deserves a lot of credit for what we have accomplished together this month. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have me back after the deadlines for this silly preface passes in a mere six hours. (Be kind to me for rambling and being overly personal. No one reads this type of commentary anyways! I have had work, and procrastinating sometimes works better). 

My biggest challenges were that many of the poems were approximately 80 percent done at the end of a day, and then I wanted to edit them before submitting. A lot of them I did edit and turn in later. Some of the editing process was pretty emotionally raw. I am still recovering from the emotions of poems like Dead of Winter/ Planted/ New Normal. I found I had a hard time going there and staying in that emotional place all in one sitting. I don’t think I’ll be reading that one at any poetry readings.

I wrote this book to explore learning to enjoy and being an observer. It deals with moving to the south and discovering a regular path was not the right one. It’s about admitting when a path is not the correct one, and when people are lying. 

This collection of poems explores finding freedom and yourself. 

It is about learning to walk away from something that does not serve you or treat you as an equal participant. It is about realizing that a myth of untapped potential has become a parasite, and deals with the emotions of moving on when you have put too much of your hope and trust into a dead horse. 

It is about envisioning what’s better, and also demanding nothing less. This collection has hope that work should be inspiring and fulfilling. It’s written in light of enduring work overshadowing life, both during a pandemic and before. It’s about expectations clashing with internal values such as protection of the innocent and honesty.